tastes like stupidity!

This army of Guy Fawkes clones was breastfed.

Via Gawker comes this clip of Scientology mom Leah Remini and her bratty hellspawn Sophia on Rachael Ray's show. Apparently pweshush lil' pain in the ass Sophia is still bottle-feeding, in spite of being three-and-a-half years old. (It's obviously an affectation, as she's seen eating solid food at one point.) Suri Cruise is also still on the bottle, even though she's more than two. Speculations are rampant that they're being fed "Hubbard's Formula".

Scientology's founder, L. Ron Hubbard, advised against breastfeeding, saying that most modern women didn't have a good enough diet to form nutritious breastmilk. Instead he advised his adherents to feed their infants a noxious sludge--which he claimed to have gotten the recipe for in Ancient Rome--of barley water, milk, and honey. Honey is, as any first-year medical student or someone who's watched a couple of seasons of ER can tell you, not recommended for children under two, as it's an excellent way to kill your baby with infant botulism. Some modern practitioners have replaced the honey with corn syrup, leading to rotted baby teeth and scurvy. Scurvy. A disease that illiterate, cannibal sailors don't even get anymore.

What makes this all the more amusing is that a recent study found that children who were breastfed have, on average, IQs 5% higher than children who weren't. (Thanks, Mom!) So maybe Hubbard was crazy like a fox?

1. Instruct your followers to raise their children to be too dimwitted to realize they belong to a cult that exists soley to siphon their money away.
2. Make sure they grow up dumb enough to think statements like "Mental illnesses are caused by the 'essences' of followers of a galactic dictator who were brought to Earth billions of years ago and blown up with hydrogen bombs!" make perfect sense.
3. Sit back and watch generations of progressively obtuse morons bulk up church membership.
4. PROFIT$$$.

P.S. If you'd like to contribute to the legal defense fund that will no doubt be needed when I'm sued by the Church of Scientology, leave your contact info in the comments.