friday afternoon random hilarity

Cracked can always be relied upon to dredge up the very worst cultural lowlights of the glorious decade in which I spent the majority of my childhood: The 1980s. In particular, the movie Gymkata. Like all Yugoslavian exports, it sucked balls and is mostly remembered today for its unintentional hilarity. It was banned in Finland, so as not to offend the USSR, who obviously didn't give a flying fuck, as they didn't bother to ban it themselves. Why bother to ban something people would only want see so as to mock it? Finland is officially the wussiest, suck-upiest nation ever.

In this scene, I imagine John Cabot's interior monologue probably runs thus: "Thank god I happened across this random object lying in an alley while fleeing from Parmistanian [that's not a spelling error, they really thought Parmistan sounded more real than the traditional Fakeistan-ed.] dirt farmers that just happens to be shaped exactly like a pommel horse!! And that these peasants are apparently so malnourished that one kick to the face takes them out permanently. And that they only attack one at a time--must be a local custom."